Ways You Marriage Can Survive The Storms

On the day that a couple, deeply in love, stand in front of god, their families and friends to make that promise to love and cherish one another "for better or for worse" I can bet your bottom dollar they're not thinking about the "worse" part whatsoever. But, naturally, things that are "worse" will eventually make their way into our lives. The image of wedded bliss is one where a couple rides off into the sunset and live happily without any problems. A married couple can have an amazing relationship, but sooner enough things that are out of the couples' control can show up to crash the party.


Whenever you find yourselves riding out a storm, below are some suggestions to help you and your love's marriage thrive and grow stronger in spite of the storm. Marriages that survive have the following characteristics:


* Keep other people out of your marriage - In times of strife, turn towards your partner and not towards others. Not only does this keep your marriage private, it does WONDERS for avoiding drama! If you talk bad about your partner on facebook or twitter, then 2 days later act all lovey dovey, folks are still going to talk about what you said. Your personal drama might even become viral! Who wants that? Not only does it invite drama, it could potentially open doors for people who dont have the best intentions. There's a lot of people out there would would love nothing better than to break up your happy home. Protect your home and your family by keeping your business to yourself.


* A strengthened friendship - Maintain common goals and interests with your spouse.


* Take comfort in a higher power - Whether this higher power be something you find deep inside yourself, or religion or some sort of spiritual connection, embrace it. Together, you can use that connection to help you get through any problems together.


* Take off the rose colored glasses - Relationships that are real will face problems that are real. Some of these problems can be more difficult than others. When we were little girls we were taught love was a fairy tale. Time to face reality! Although there are many beautiful moments where love can indeed feel like a fairy tale we also have to deal with real, unpleasant, and sometimes downright bad issues that may rear their ugly heads. The sooner we can be accountable for our own happiness; understanding that nobody is going to ride up on a shining, white horse and rescue us from bills, housework, problems with family, ect, the sooner we can really enjoy what life's got to offer.


* Keep a gratitude journal together - More often than not, we become so bogged down with the things in our lives that we're not happy with or that aren't going right, that we lose sight of the wonderful, good things that ARE going god and ARE working for us. When you start consciously looking for and appreciating the good, you'll be blown away by all the beauty in your marriage.




As I look back on 2013 and look forward to 2014, I remember the times that were hard and I also remember the blessings we had. My hersband and I faced some health challenges last year, but we took care of them and are in better shape now. We bought our first home. We got legally married. We traveled together to many places as a family, some I'd never been to before. We grew closer to our families and friends. We spent countless days and nights just enjoying each other and spending special moments together. Sure, we've had our share of struggles and frustration; including some stressful issues, moving, deaths in the family, trying to rid ourselves of my psycho ex who has bee stalking us. But in spite of that we've also created some beautiful memories that no one can take away from us. And I look forward to creating even more in 2014.



I guess what I'm trying to say is, find joy in the smallest moments and hold onto them as if they were a gift. I am so happy and in love with my hersband, she has a beautiful heart and a giving soul. We all have faults. We all have amazingly beautiful things about ourselves. It's all about being deeply committed and loyal to your love and your family. That's a rock that's solid, and pretty damned hard to break.


Kisses y'all....



Devil Kitty

Some Common Misconceptions About Studs/Butches/AG’s, Macha’s, Dom’s, Boi’s, ect.

Myth’s You Should Stop Believing

1. All studs really want to be men

2. All studs date femmes (stud2stud exists, although mostly kept hush-hush)

3. All studs date women (there are bi-sexual studs out there.)

4. All studs are dominant in personality

5. All studs like to be the bread winner/financially take care of their partners

6. All studs “pack” (wear the strap)

7. All studs are players

8. All studs are over-sexed (I know plenty femmes that are!)

9. All studs are into hitting their partners

10.  All studs wear men’s clothing all the time

11. All Studs don’t like to receive pleasure or be touched.

12. All studs don’t like to be penetrated

13. All studs are aggressive, jealous and overbearing

Primarily African-American associations: Stud, AG, Dom, Daddy

Primarily Latino associations: Macha, Stud, Daddy, Butch, Papi

Primarily Caucasian associations: Butch, Boi, Daddy, Top

The Perfect Femme For HER

THE WAYS OF THE OLD SCHOOL

A faithful, loving, intelligent and affectionate femme is all an old

school butch ideally desires to have. A woman at home can either

decorate or destroy home life. A good femme can really make a

home a heaven on earth with her boundless love and unflinching

loyalty to her butch.

We all know that beauty is only skin deep, the smart butch will always

prefer good character and loyalty to the beauty of femme when it

comes to a long term commitment. A beautiful femme without

character is like a flower without fragrance. A loving old school

femme wishes to be considerate, caring, sharing, understanding and

loving to the core. She wants to understand her butchs’ needs and be

her best friend, sharing her joys and sorrows, and ups and downs of

life. She wants to be a supportive help mate and make things easier

and more pleasant for her stud.

A butch has to deal with many issues walking proudly in the

heterosexual world. She confronts all sorts of problems and deals with

different kinds of people in her day-to-day life. In these tension-filled

times, she wants to have a comfortable, peaceful and soothing

atmosphere at home when she returns from work. An understanding

and considerate femme welcomes her and relieves her of all her

stress the best way she can. Don’t harass your butch as soon as she

steps in the door. Allow her to relax. Help her to relax deserves

peace of mind and serenity. You can be her soft place to fall after a

hard day. Trust me, you will be cherished for that alone.

A butch loves to have a femme who supports her in times of adversity

and stands by her side. She wants her femme to be invested and

interested in fulfilling her needs, making her completely satisfied. She

also wants her love for her femme to be equally reciprocated. Old

school femmes do understand all these things and desire to be in

harmony with the wants and desires of their butches.

Most butches cannot stand a femme who is constantly fighting or

wanting to argue all the time about something. This will deprive them

of inner peace and comfort. They, sometimes, even overlook the

shortcomings and faults of their femmes to make them realize how

much they love them. Similarly, they expect their femmes to be

forgiving, tolerant, broad-minded and understanding to make their

relationship work.

Old school butches respect their femmes and expect to be respected

by them. They reserve their genuine love only for their femmes and

hope the same from them. It is a very lucky stud who can find a

good femme to make their home a place full of joy and happiness.

DON’T BE THE PERFECT FEMME. BE THE PERFECT FEMME FOR HER!

The question should not be how to be the perfect femme, but how

to be the perfect femme to your butch? The reason is everyone is

different, therefore every relationship is different. When you get into

a relationship with a butch you know (or should know) all about their

personality, what makes them happy, sad, scared, angry, etc.

People in my life often disagree with me when I say this but I want to

make my butch the happiest woman on the planet! A lot of times

when I say I want to make her happiest woman alive I get

the response, How about you? Well making her happy is going to

make me happy! I would never let my butch take advantage of my

kindness but I know the kind of butch I prefer will understand

that! A relationship should be a happy and healthy one between

two women who love each other.

Back to the topic; How to be the perfect femme for her!

1) Don't be THE stress in your butch’s life, be a stress reliever. Be

someone who gives stress a break from their daily lives!

2) Be emotionally available to them. When they have problems in

their lives be someone they can come to talk to about their

problems and try everything to make them better.

3) Don't be insecure! If your in a relationship you need to trust this

person, constantly accusing them of cheating will destroy the

relationship. If your butch did cheat on you before and you choose to

stay with her do not think it gives you the right to be insecure. If you

cannot handle not being insecure you should not be with her.

4) Be a lover and a friend be someone your stud wants to be

around, someone she wants to spend her free time with!

5) Support her and be her number one fan. Life is hard and you are

going to come across bad people who put you down. Make sure

you are always the one who is on your butch’s team!

A complete relationship involves two people, both people have to

work on it. I am not saying by any means you should be taken

advantage of. If you are in a healthy relationship your butch will be

doing the same things for you!

The Grateful Wife. Simply Put, How To Be One.

The Grateful Wife

An article written primarily for the old school butch/femme community. But if you do not identify as butch or femme, feel free to take anything positive from this article if you choose to. You don't even have to be married to follow these guidelines.

What does it mean to be a grateful wife? It means disassociating yourself from many mindsets we've previously been conditioned to in order to achieve the happiness we deserve. When I use the term

'old school' I'm referring to a way of living, or a attitude, if you will. It is an attitude based on what most would consider old fashioned, traditional or even retro. For many old school queers, this is a way of relating to life and relationships that makes them the most comfortable, for whatever reason. For me personally, my grandparents were my role models which shaped my appreciation for old school ways of relating to one another inside a marriage.

Appreciation:

Some may have one partner who works while the other stays at home. Obviously, this could be either the femme or the butch depending on the couple's arrangement or their particular circumstances at the moment.

The grateful wife who stays at home should adopt an attitude of being appreciative of what she has. While it's natural to want to strive to obtain more material things, it's a good idea to keep a level and realistic head about it. If you want a bigger house, more expensive car, brand name clothes that is natural. On the other hand, don't allow the desire for these things to take away from the happiness you should feel for what

you've already been blessed with. If your partner is working to provide, the bills are paid, your refrigerator is well stocked and your necessities are taken cared of, be happy with that. There are people out there who no doubt pray for what you have. Also, make it a point to express to your partner how much you appreciate what they do to take care of the family. You can do this with verbal compliments, give her era attention when she gets home, maybe a foot or back rub, some flowers, her favorite home cooked meals, or even some alone time if thats what she needs after a long or stressful day. Don't be afraid to really pamper and cater your partner when she needs it, that's what wives are for!

The home environment:

The grateful wife is proud of her home and her goal is to work to make it a peaceful, beautiful sanctuary that her entire family will enjoy. You might not be the best housekeeper or good at decorating, but making sure your home is clean, nice smelling and organized is important. If your partner works, they deserve to come home to a house that is clean. Wouldn't you want the same? You should be happy to tidy the home, do it with a smile! If you both work, try to agree on a routine in which you both can contribute to the house work. Not should it be clean, but pleasant. A hospital is clean but it is not pleasant. Pleasant means taking time to do extra things like burring great smelling incense or fragrant oils, fresh flowers or greenery if possible, candles, photographs of family, even low playing music. All of this makes the home a desired place to be in for your spouse!

Your personal appearance:

The grateful wife knows her appearance should be kept up as much as possible. I don't mean walking around in make up, lingerie, heels or designer clothes all day. What I mean is try your best to maintain what it was about you that attracted your partner to you in the first place. A good skin care regimen, exercise, making sure you look appealing goes a long way in also keeping the home your partner looks forward to going home to everyday! Although it is unrealistic to wear make up everyday for most women (if you're the type to wear it), it wouldn't hurt to occasionally put some on to your comfort level especially on the weekends or if you know you might be going out for dinner or a event. It's important to look and feel sexy, because if you see yourself that way so will she! Be thankful you have a good, solid, loving relationship and be willing to understand that maintaining your looks is also an important part of keeping it that way.

Moms:

If you are raising kids with your partner, whether they be yours or hers biologically, or a family created through adoption, the rules are the same. Parents should try to present a united front to their children when it comes to discipline. The number one fight amongst married couples besides money is arguments over how to discipline the kids. If you and your partner have two completely different parenting styles, try to go behind closed doors and resolve the issue. At least meet each other half way and compromise on an attitude that will work. 

Sex:

The grateful wife wants to make love! There's an old blues song that goes "If you won't, I know somebody who will." As harsh as it sounds, this is reality. If you are married, your partners sexual satisfaction should be a priority. While the frequency of your lovemaking may decline slightly over time, theres no reason the passion and desire should. Keep your sex life fresh and interesting by remaining open to trying new things with your partner. Leave love notes, try wearing something different to bed, keep up with date nights, be spontaneous sometimes. Don't forget to talk about your needs, fantasies and any new desires you may be feeling with your partner. Explore them together.

Fighting:

The grateful wife argues wisely. Getting into an argument with your partner is natural. Fighting every day and having excessive drama is not, and is not conductive to a healthy relationship in which both partners strive to be in harmony with one another as much as possible. The important thing to remember is, keep other people out of your personal business. If you and your partner are having problems, the worse thing you can do is turn to another person when you're feeling frustrated. Not only could that lead to inappropriate feelings, it could possibly turn into a full blown affair if you're not careful. As loyal as you feel you might be, or your partner might be, don't play with fire! When having problems, turn towards each other and not another.