The Femme's Guide To Loving A Stud

Friday, January 17, 2014

Is There Still Room For Real Femininity In Today's World?

Femininity has gotten a bad rap over the last several decades. With the birth of feminism during the early 60's, femininity is seen as something that needs to be eradicated, downplayed, and in some cases, squashed, in an effort to obtain equal rights for women in the work place and at home. But what has this loss of femininity done for the modern woman? In what ways has it's loss harmed us? I know I'm a femme dyke, but I've gotta address this for subject for ALL women, not just gay or bi women. So I'm including straight women in my circle this time!

You dont know how many heterosexual women I hear who are successful in the board room, fierce at the office, got all their shit together in life...but cant find that same success in a romantic relationship. I think the main problem with this is, these women dont know how to turn the "shark" off and leave it at the office. And let me preface what Im about to say with, I'm in NO WAY an expert on men! After all, Im a lesbian! But I do study the dynamics of love and relationships, its an area of interest for me. I've seen, read, heard men say all the time that many women just dont know how to be soft and feminine anymore. That they dont have a problem with a successful woman, but that in her personal relationships she no longer understands how to allow them to be or feel like a man. Women have lost touch with their softness, their womanliness. And Im not talking about killer stilettos and sexy lingerie. I'm taking about a softness and a natural femininity that comes from inside of her.

This includes what I call "over-giving". Some women just do way too much to try to impress a man. She calls him more than he calls her, she sends him gifts early on in the dating phase, she is aggressive in asking him out, texting too much, being too available. All of this is moving in a masculine energy. Women dont remember how to tap into what our grandmothers used to know. Which is how to have a man chase you and want you. This might be seen as old fashioned, but it worked for them! This also means allowing to let go of a little control every now and then and actually put someone elses needs before your own at times. Not ALL THE TIME. "At times". There's a time and a place for every way of behaving.

Ok, so you're probably wondering how does this apply to lesbians? We dont care about how men think so why should we still care about real femininity? Because we are women! Femininity is usually what drives the baby dykes and feminine energy-seeking butches into the arms of straight women! Yeah, I said it. A lot of lesbians think they have to downplay their own femininity in order to be seen as a 'real lesbian'. You'd think this attitude went out during the 80's but it hasnt. Girly lesbians arent seen as gay enough as hard butches. Their gay card just doesnt seem to have as many stars! So, if you wanna qualify for the stars you gotta butch up. This is wrong and so uncalled for if you are truly a feminine identified lesbian! Be yourself! Embrace your girliness! Be a foo foo cream puff femme and be proud about it! Nothing is hotter than that to the butches and studs who want a feminine woman. Who better for them than a feminine woman who is a lesbian? Because lets face it, nobody understands a lesbian like a lesbian. Play up your womanliness and stop pushing all our butches to the straight chics!

Real femininity means allowing yourself to be soft, emotional, giving, yielding. Allowing yourself to let her lead 'at times', to not trying to run her or control her, to giving her space, for dressing in a way that is attractive and pleasing to not only her, but to yourself. If you like lacey underwear, high heels, sweet smelling body sprays and lipstick, go for it all the way! And show her you really enjoy being feminine. She will appreciate you like the gem that you are!

So, what have we learned darlings? We've learned that real femininity DOES still have a place in todays world! We dont have to dismiss or downplay our womanliness and can still be strong, intelligent, independent women. It's all about learning how to balance the two energies without canceling the other out. What I'm suggesting is going with the flow of feminine energy while at the same time being assertive, smart, and capable. Yes, we can have it all and still be feminine, desirable creatures!

Friday, January 10, 2014

L.W. Love's Weekly Kindle Book Giveaway Contest!!!

Hi naughty ones! My favorite lesbian romance author is going to be running a weekly kindle book giveaway contest on her Facebook page! Each week one of her books will be featured and all you have to do to enter is click like on the L.w. Love Facebook page and share the graphic of the book for a chance to win!

Here's the Book Of The Week! Contest runs Jan 10th - Jan 13th.

"Smeared Lipstick: Erotic Tales Of Butch Femme Passion" By L.W. Love

These stories explore the powerful sexual dynamic of butch on femme sex! Hot, dirty, raw and full of action, you will be melting in your panties with each story! In "Girl Meets Boi" A femme meets her match with a sexy stud ready to service her every need! "My Little Bitch" A femme loves to please her butch daddy by luring other femmes in for a naughty threesome. In "Strapped" Tracy is tired of hearing her roomate's heated romps with her lover. In a secret moment of passion, she shows her roomie's girlfriend what it's like to get it good from a REAL packin' butch! In "Femme Top" a beautiful, black femme takes her cocky, arrogant, European butch lover down a notch in this risque, interacial S&M vignette. "Real Butch" leaves you wanting with a real gender fuck with a special twist!

To enter the contest click like on L.W. Love's Facebook page and share the link of the book graphic!

L.W. Love Facebook Fan Page

Good luck!!!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Why You're Drawn To Toxic Women & How To Break The Cycle!

If you’re feeling MISERABLE after spending time with your woman more often than you'd like to admit, I know how you feel -- and I can help.

Sometimes relationships can start out so lovely, romantic, full of loving feelings, and oh-so exciting...but things can also go wrong and we start to feel like we're on a roller coaster of emotions.
One day, she's sweet and tender and tells you she is crazy about you, and the next day she's ignoring you or being condescending and critical.
You don't know how to feel and your heart is breaking for the "dream" of the relationship you really wanted.

Fortunately, there's a way out of this emotional storm. You CAN learn what to do to bring back the love for good, with my ebook series "How To Get The Relationship Of Your Dreams: Lesbian Love Guide."
You'll learn what "type" of toxic woman she is, and what to do if you learn she's really worth your time and energy, so you can FEEL BETTER INSTANTLY and get back the Maybe you're feeling confused, even find yourself crying over a particular woman, and wondering if it'll EVER feel the way it used to, 

I know, from the bottom of my heart, how hurtful being in a relationship with a hard-to-read, clueless or even toxic woman is - and how even being with a good woman who has toxic qualities, who you just don't know how to deal with, can be a painful experience.
It's very destructive to you, and if you keep going down the same road with that woman, it can break your heart and leave you feeling downright jaded about love.
That's why it's important to read this entire article if you are worried that your relationship is getting worse over time.

How do you start to turn things around for yourself right away?
There are 3 steps:
If you're like many women who are in a difficult relationship, you know that you sometimes "make excuses" for your partner.
You tell your friends that she's really not a bad person. She just has her bad days. You try to talk to her about the negative behavior. You blame yourself (and SHE sometimes blames you, too) for the things that do not go right in your relationship.
Sometimes you're embarrassed to tell people how she's behaving.
But, it's not your fault, and you should NEVER make excuses for a woman who's behaving horribly or breaking your heart!
In my ebook "How To Find Love For A Lifetime", you can learn exactly whether or not she's toxic, difficult, or just straight up clueless, and what steps to take in each case to make sure you can have the best, most loving relationship possible.
It's important for you to understand the difference between a Toxic Woman and the individual (and hopefully minor) toxic qualities even a Good woman might have - because you can have a successful relationship with a woman who has toxic QUALITIES, but you will NEVER, EVER BE HAPPY with a Toxic Woman.
And next...

You may feel like you’re "addicted" to a woman. You know she makes you feel bad sometimes, but the good times are SO good that you put up with it.
You can't help yourself. You tell yourself you love her. You can't walk away.
So, you try "fixing" what you sense is wrong with the relationship.
You treat the symptoms.
If she's neglectful or ignoring you, you tell yourself she's just "busy" with work or isn't good with communicating her feelings. You blame yourself for pushing her for things you want and need and instead YOU are the one to make sacrifices to "keep things peaceful."
In effect, by focusing just on her negative qualities and trying to fix whatever is wrong in the moment, and not considering the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP holistically, you've been trying to cure an infection by changing the band-aid.

The key to transforming your woman and healing your relationship, involves more than a quick-fix band-aid that doesn't seek to cure the problem at the core.
Which leads me to my final step...

And, when you change the nature of the relationship... YOU CHANGE THE WOMAN!
By treating the true "infection," you not only get a loving, supportive, stable, balanced relationship...
You get all those POSITIVE qualities that kept you hanging on until now.
You get all the sweet words, the closeness, the affectionate gestures.
And, you get to be even stronger, happier, and confident in yourself.

My ebook "How ToFind Love For A Lifetime" can help you in ALL these areas.

You will receive insights on:
WHAT a toxic relationship is. WHY you keep being drawn into it despite how horrible it makes you feel. HOW to change your Toxic Woman into a loving, caring and respectful partner - permanently, or HOW to walk away if you know she'll is just not willing to change... and do it painlessly.
You'll also learn how a toxic woman can throw you OFF BALANCE and how to keep centered even when she's "triggering" you.

"How To Find Love For A Lifetime" will be coming soon this week! Keep an eye out for it by visiting my author page. L.W. Love Author Page

Friday, December 27, 2013

Is She Serious Or Just Stringing You Along? Single Lesbian Dating Advice!

If you're feeling frustrated about where your relationship is going, you're not
alone. It can sometimes be hard to really see where things stand with women - especially when she's being so nice, and warm, and going out with you and spending time with you.
But what happens when you feel like maybe she is just stringing you along? Even though you KNOW she loves you - she even says she loves you and that you're "great" - she
just can't or won't commit? And you've done everything you know to show her
that relationship feels “right” to you - that you won't crowd her, you won't cheat on her or hurt her, and that you're there for her? This is just one of the most frustrating things!

I remember going through it. Of all the women I ever dated and had unhappy experiences with, this is the one I remember most: When I was with her, it was incredible. We'd have fun, it felt cozy and sexy, and not only did I KNOW she liked me, she SAID so - she said she admired me, she liked me, she loved me, that I was so sweet and kind. Yet it felt so PAINFUL to be with her. There were so many things going on that should have warned me, but I ignored them.
I remember being in relationships for quite some time with women who saw me as a friend, and who probably TOLD me that, but I just couldn't HEAR it. I held out hope.

I confused sexual passion with emotional passion. I confused SEEING so much of her for her CARING so much for ME. I heard what I wanted to hear, and saw what I wanted to see. I ignored the way she was just "slightly" not acting like we were a couple. I ignored the friendships she had with her ex-girlfriends, even though she explained them as
somewhat similar to our relationship. I know she used the word "friends" many times,
and I didn't hear it. But mostly, I ignored what I FELT. My brain kept telling me she was a great catch and a good woman and that this would all work out. My hormones were all tied up in her, and my body always wanted to move toward her, but my feelings were different. LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOUR FEELINGS!

I remember almost always feeling, well, down and out. Sad, even. It was as though the only feelings being lit on fire were MINE. And, somewhere, deep inside, I knew it, but I wouldn't let myself KNOW I knew it. This is a perfect example of how crazy and upside down our minds and old patterns can make us be. Instead, I IGNORED IT. So I wouldn't scare her off, I toned down my own feelings. I PRETENDED to be COOL. I acted as if it didn't MATTER to me that she didn't introduce me as her girlfriend, but just as "Kat." I acted as if she were my ONLY OPTION in the world. The moment we start thinking like that, it's downhill from there. STOP THE PATTERN OF WAITING FOR HER TO MOVE THINGS FORWARD. The only reason we ever get so caught up in a woman like that - and place ourselves at her mercy - is when our self-esteem is not where it should be. Low self-esteem is also a major factor in whether a woman sees you as her forever and will be the one to move toward commitment.

NOTHING attracts a woman and binds her to us more rapidly and more permanently than CONFIDENCE, and having confidence comes naturally as a result of raising your self- esteem. It's the first thing she picks up from us, and the glue that holds and intrigues her, and makes her want to stay with us forever.
Here is a common problem we dykes have all faced: We believed that the woman in front of us was the ONLY woman. Now it seems so hard to believe that we could have believed it, but when you're in the middle of it, it feels so real. We believe a woman we are emotionally involved with is the ONLY one for us. It’s just a flat out lie. I know it's a lie, because not only did I meet my wonderful partner many years later, but BETWEEN that woman and my current partner, there were SEVERAL women I felt even MORE strongly about than I did her. I laugh now, because as I write this, all
those women come back to my memory, and they ALL played me the "friend card."

The friend card can ONLY be played in an “Make-Believe Relationship. That is, you've given yourself exclusively to her when she hasn't given you the commitment you want.

This is NOT about protecting yourself from the friend card. This is about AVOIDING it ALTOGETHER! Here are some basic steps:

Do NOT sleep with a woman until you feel CERTAIN she sees you as her future wife and not a future friend. Now, how do you do that? You don't have to hound her with questions. You wait until she pushes for sex. And then you think this:
"I'm not looking to just be somebody’s “girl” or “main squeeze“, here, and I
don't want to be in a friendship with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don't want to get all hormonally involved without knowing where a relationship is going. I feel really good with you, and I don't want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I'd feel so much more comfortable waiting until you know what you have in mind." If you're very brave, you can even SAY this! Notice how these words don't ASK her for anything? They don't ask her how she feels, they don't ask her what she wants. All they are doing is simply expressing what you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with, and what you DON'T want.

Okay, now if you're already having sex with her, but don't know how she feels, and are afraid she's stringing you along," try this: Next time you're with her, notice how she behaves. It's entirely possible she ISN'T "stringing you along," perhaps she just isn't FEELING IT yet, and she likes you a lot and is hoping that there's still a chance something might catch fire. So, turn up the heat by saying how you feel. It could go something like this:
"Do you have a minute to chat? I've noticed that sometimes I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting our relationship. I'm starting to feel hormonally all attached to you, and I can't help wondering what it is that's going on for you. I only know that I'm not looking for a friendship with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don't want to get all hormonally involved with a friend. I feel really good with you, and I don't want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think?”

Now, these speeches are about you taking care of yourself. She may not KNOW what she feels, but at least the conversation will get started; and, for the first time, she'll know how YOU feel. Knowing how you feel and hearing you say it in a CONNECTED-EMOTION way will bring her in closer no matter WHAT she's feeling. "Playing along" and trying not to listen to what makes you uncomfortable will NOT bring her CLOSER! In fact, playing along will do the opposite of what you want. Playing along will make you into more and more of a friend. So to AVOID the friend card, listen to your heart, and SPEAK from it.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Ways You Marriage Can Survive The Storms

On the day that a couple, deeply in love, stand in front of god, their families and friends to make that promise to love and cherish one another "for better or for worse" I can bet your bottom dollar they're not thinking about the "worse" part whatsoever. But, naturally, things that are "worse" will eventually make their way into our lives. The image of wedded bliss is one where a couple rides off into the sunset and live happily without any problems. A married couple can have an amazing relationship, but sooner enough things that are out of the couples' control can show up to crash the party.

Whenever you find yourselves riding out a storm, below are some suggestions to help you and your love's marriage thrive and grow stronger in spite of the storm. Marriages that survive have the following characteristics:

* Keep other people out of your marriage - In times of strife, turn towards your partner and not towards others. Not only does this keep your marriage private, it does WONDERS for avoiding drama! If you talk bad about your partner on facebook or twitter, then 2 days later act all lovey dovey, folks are still going to talk about what you said. Your personal drama might even become viral! Who wants that? Not only does it invite drama, it could potentially open doors for people who dont have the best intentions. There's a lot of people out there would would love nothing better than to break up your happy home. Protect your home and your family by keeping your business to yourself.

* A strengthened friendship - Maintain common goals and interests with your spouse.

* Take comfort in a higher power - Whether this higher power be something you find deep inside yourself, or religion or some sort of spiritual connection, embrace it. Together, you can use that connection to help you get through any problems together.

* Take off the rose colored glasses - Relationships that are real will face problems that are real. Some of these problems can be more difficult than others. When we were little girls we were taught love was a fairy tale. Time to face reality! Although there are many beautiful moments where love can indeed feel like a fairy tale we also have to deal with real, unpleasant, and sometimes downright bad issues that may rear their ugly heads. The sooner we can be accountable for our own happiness; understanding that nobody is going to ride up on a shining, white horse and rescue us from bills, housework, problems with family, ect, the sooner we can really enjoy what life's got to offer.

* Keep a gratitude journal together - More often than not, we become so bogged down with the things in our lives that we're not happy with or that aren't going right, that we lose sight of the wonderful, good things that ARE going god and ARE working for us. When you start consciously looking for and appreciating the good, you'll be blown away by all the beauty in your marriage.

As I look back on 2013 and look forward to 2014, I remember the times that were hard and I also remember the blessings we had. My hersband and I faced some health challenges last year, but we took care of them and are in better shape now. We bought our first home. We got legally married. We traveled together to many places as a family, some I'd never been to before. We grew closer to our families and friends. We spent countless days and nights just enjoying each other and spending special moments together. Sure, we've had our share of struggles and frustration; including some stressful issues, moving, deaths in the family, trying to rid ourselves of my psycho ex who has bee stalking us. But in spite of that we've also created some beautiful memories that no one can take away from us. And I look forward to creating even more in 2014.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, find joy in the smallest moments and hold onto them as if they were a gift. I am so happy and in love with my hersband, she has a beautiful heart and a giving soul. We all have faults. We all have amazingly beautiful things about ourselves. It's all about being deeply committed and loyal to your love and your family. That's a rock that's solid, and pretty damned hard to break.

Kisses y'all....

Devil Kitty

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Femme's Guide To Loving A Stud

Did you ever wish there was a guide just for femmes? One that would help you to understand studs in the dating world? If you often times find yourself wondering what really makes a stud tick then this to-the-point, funny and honest guide is here to help you! Get into the mind of a stud and really comprehend what she wants. Learn to identify players, ways to increase your "femme appeal", what it take to be her dream femme and discover the ways of old school studs & femmes. Maximize your chances of creating the loving, lasting relationship with your stud you've always wanted.


Link To My eBook on amazon

Some Common Misconceptions About Studs/Butches/AG’s, Macha’s, Dom’s, Boi’s, ect.

Myth’s You Should Stop Believing

1. All studs really want to be men

2. All studs date femmes (stud2stud exists, although mostly kept hush-hush)

3. All studs date women (there are bi-sexual studs out there.)

4. All studs are dominant in personality

5. All studs like to be the bread winner/financially take care of their partners

6. All studs “pack” (wear the strap)

7. All studs are players

8. All studs are over-sexed (I know plenty femmes that are!)

9. All studs are into hitting their partners

10.  All studs wear men’s clothing all the time

11. All Studs don’t like to receive pleasure or be touched.

12. All studs don’t like to be penetrated

13. All studs are aggressive, jealous and overbearing

Primarily African-American associations: Stud, AG, Dom, Daddy

Primarily Latino associations: Macha, Stud, Daddy, Butch, Papi

Primarily Caucasian associations: Butch, Boi, Daddy, Top