The Grateful Wife. Simply Put, How To Be One.

The Grateful Wife

An article written primarily for the old school butch/femme community. But if you do not identify as butch or femme, feel free to take anything positive from this article if you choose to. You don't even have to be married to follow these guidelines.

What does it mean to be a grateful wife? It means disassociating yourself from many mindsets we've previously been conditioned to in order to achieve the happiness we deserve. When I use the term

'old school' I'm referring to a way of living, or a attitude, if you will. It is an attitude based on what most would consider old fashioned, traditional or even retro. For many old school queers, this is a way of relating to life and relationships that makes them the most comfortable, for whatever reason. For me personally, my grandparents were my role models which shaped my appreciation for old school ways of relating to one another inside a marriage.

Appreciation:

Some may have one partner who works while the other stays at home. Obviously, this could be either the femme or the butch depending on the couple's arrangement or their particular circumstances at the moment.

The grateful wife who stays at home should adopt an attitude of being appreciative of what she has. While it's natural to want to strive to obtain more material things, it's a good idea to keep a level and realistic head about it. If you want a bigger house, more expensive car, brand name clothes that is natural. On the other hand, don't allow the desire for these things to take away from the happiness you should feel for what

you've already been blessed with. If your partner is working to provide, the bills are paid, your refrigerator is well stocked and your necessities are taken cared of, be happy with that. There are people out there who no doubt pray for what you have. Also, make it a point to express to your partner how much you appreciate what they do to take care of the family. You can do this with verbal compliments, give her era attention when she gets home, maybe a foot or back rub, some flowers, her favorite home cooked meals, or even some alone time if thats what she needs after a long or stressful day. Don't be afraid to really pamper and cater your partner when she needs it, that's what wives are for!

The home environment:

The grateful wife is proud of her home and her goal is to work to make it a peaceful, beautiful sanctuary that her entire family will enjoy. You might not be the best housekeeper or good at decorating, but making sure your home is clean, nice smelling and organized is important. If your partner works, they deserve to come home to a house that is clean. Wouldn't you want the same? You should be happy to tidy the home, do it with a smile! If you both work, try to agree on a routine in which you both can contribute to the house work. Not should it be clean, but pleasant. A hospital is clean but it is not pleasant. Pleasant means taking time to do extra things like burring great smelling incense or fragrant oils, fresh flowers or greenery if possible, candles, photographs of family, even low playing music. All of this makes the home a desired place to be in for your spouse!

Your personal appearance:

The grateful wife knows her appearance should be kept up as much as possible. I don't mean walking around in make up, lingerie, heels or designer clothes all day. What I mean is try your best to maintain what it was about you that attracted your partner to you in the first place. A good skin care regimen, exercise, making sure you look appealing goes a long way in also keeping the home your partner looks forward to going home to everyday! Although it is unrealistic to wear make up everyday for most women (if you're the type to wear it), it wouldn't hurt to occasionally put some on to your comfort level especially on the weekends or if you know you might be going out for dinner or a event. It's important to look and feel sexy, because if you see yourself that way so will she! Be thankful you have a good, solid, loving relationship and be willing to understand that maintaining your looks is also an important part of keeping it that way.

Moms:

If you are raising kids with your partner, whether they be yours or hers biologically, or a family created through adoption, the rules are the same. Parents should try to present a united front to their children when it comes to discipline. The number one fight amongst married couples besides money is arguments over how to discipline the kids. If you and your partner have two completely different parenting styles, try to go behind closed doors and resolve the issue. At least meet each other half way and compromise on an attitude that will work. 

Sex:

The grateful wife wants to make love! There's an old blues song that goes "If you won't, I know somebody who will." As harsh as it sounds, this is reality. If you are married, your partners sexual satisfaction should be a priority. While the frequency of your lovemaking may decline slightly over time, theres no reason the passion and desire should. Keep your sex life fresh and interesting by remaining open to trying new things with your partner. Leave love notes, try wearing something different to bed, keep up with date nights, be spontaneous sometimes. Don't forget to talk about your needs, fantasies and any new desires you may be feeling with your partner. Explore them together.

Fighting:

The grateful wife argues wisely. Getting into an argument with your partner is natural. Fighting every day and having excessive drama is not, and is not conductive to a healthy relationship in which both partners strive to be in harmony with one another as much as possible. The important thing to remember is, keep other people out of your personal business. If you and your partner are having problems, the worse thing you can do is turn to another person when you're feeling frustrated. Not only could that lead to inappropriate feelings, it could possibly turn into a full blown affair if you're not careful. As loyal as you feel you might be, or your partner might be, don't play with fire! When having problems, turn towards each other and not another.